A reason to sing

Today would have been my big brother's 28th birthday. And although Eric would have shuttered at the idea of getting closer to 30, we would have gone out to dinner and celebrated just right. My heart aches at the lack of his presence even after two years. We rejoice in the time to come but my aching is ever present and very real. Time doesn't heal pain, not from death. Time simply allows for adjustment to pain. It enables you to figure out a way to cope, a way to drag your numb body out of bed each morning and press through the grief. 

When the pieces seem too shattered

to gather off the floor

and all that seems to matter

is I don't feel you anymore

No, I don't feel you anymore

I need a reason to sing

I need a reason to sing

I need to know that you're still holding

the whole world in your hands

I need a reason to sing

I'm still figuring out what that looks like, especially on days like today.

When I'm overcome by fear

And I hate everything I know

If this waiting lasts forever

I'm afraid I might let go

I'm afraid I might let go


I need a reason to sing
I need a reason to sing
I need to know that you're still holding
the whole world in your hands
I need a reason to sing

As a follower of Jesus Christ, I know my hope is not found in what is left on earth. I rejoice in that. Christ has given me a hope of glory that cannot be stained or tarnished neither by human hands nor by human emotion. I take heart in that, knowing I will be reunited with my brother one day. And even more, that he will be reunited with his wife and daughter.

If there be a victory

will you sing it over me now?

Your peace is the melody

will you sing it over me now?

If there be a victory

will you sing it over me now?

O Lord, your peace is the melody

will you sing it over me now?

So today I focus on the legacy he has left. Not simply the legacy that he and Bridget gave birth to Launa Kate, his pride and joy. But his legacy of Godliness that will live on even now that he is gone. A huge part of that responsibility falls to Bridget, serving as mommy and daddy —  a task she never knew she would have to take.
But Eric spent the last few months of his life dumping it out at the foot of the cross. He was eager to serve God. He knew there was no time to waste. He knew the life-changing message of the cross of Jesus was far too precious to hold back. He lived with great urgency. My pastor says, "What you have poured out for Jesus is only valuable based on what He has poured out for you." Praise God that He poured out everything.
My greatest grief is that Eric didn't have more time to make even more of a difference. That he didn't have more time to lead his family in the ways of Godliness, to teach Launa scripture, to show her how much her Heavenly Father loves her through his love for her.
The day I found out about the accident, I laid in my bedroom floor sobbing before the Lord, begging Him for Eric's life to mean more for Him on earth than it would in heaven. God knew something I didn't.

I need a reason to sing

I need a reason to sing

I need to know that you're still holding

the whole world in your hands

And that is a reason to sing

He is holding the whole world in His hands. God. My God. My Creator, Savior, Father, Friend. He made the plan. He knows the outcome. I only see small parts of it. God is in control, and He is good. He does things for my good and for His glory. Even when I don't see it as good. I didn't. For a long time. I still don't a lot of days. But I trust Him because I know His character. And I know what He gave up for me.
If He loves me enough to have sent his only Son, willingly, to die for me. Why would He not want good things for me? He knows the sting of death, first-hand. He watched His only Son be crucified for a people that despised and rejected Him. And He allowed it because He loves us. He loves us.
And that IS a reason to sing.
"Fear not, O Zion; let not your hands grow weak. The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet your by his love. He will exult over you with loud singing." (Zephaniah 3:16-17)

Song by All Sons & Daughters, "Reason to Sing." Watch the video.